Monday, October 11, 2010

Harper's Tories battle against "Longism" by Louis Evan Palmer

It's often difficult to decipher the Tories, mainly because they have so many secrets to keep track of and explain away - they get mixed up on their storylines, on what's to be revealed or kept quiet, on the undulating mix of fact, fiction and ideology. One of their seeming themes lately are various puzzling fights against the numerous manifestations of what we can refer to as "Longism". (No, it has nothing to do with Huey Long, one of the distressingly many heroic martryed figures from America's past)

In the case of Harper's Tories, longism is any relatively minor, but potentially emotional, issue that involves the word "long". Thus, for now, the long gun registry and the census long form and any number of long-winded, inane defenses of this or that aspect of these issues. The Tories portraying themselves as defenders of freedom. Not real freedom like protest or expression at the G8 or G20 summits but a carefully constricted freedom to answer mostly inocuous questions whose confidentiality is protected by law or to not get registered specifically for long guns.

I expect to see Tories getting excited very soon about something to do with Long Term Health Care: we shouldn't force people into it, we shouldn't mandate it or support it with tax dollars. There is also fertile anti-longism ground in taking away any favourable tax treatments for long positions in stocks, commodities or currencies: most of the Tories' wealthy donors make money on short positions and market volatility. Thus, we would have the Tories continue with strong positions against the long gun registry and the long form census but also stake out equally principled stands against long term health care and long positions in the markets.

Lastly, we ask the Tories to tackle the disturbing athletic event known as the "long jump". Athletes should not be risking injury and humiliation trying to conform to the requirements of this contrived "sport". Quick short jumps are fine but not this hernia-inducing long jump.

Down with Longism! Up with the Tories fight against it!

Harper's Tories battle against "Longism", Louis Evan Palmer, The Way It Can Be,
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Copyright 2010 Louis Evan Palmer lives in Ontario Canada. His short stories have appeared in numerous publications.